


Somebody Catch My Breath

by tyleerjoseph



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, M/M, Schizophrenia, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:19:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7733737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyleerjoseph/pseuds/tyleerjoseph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty One Pilots are just short time away from a sold out show in Atlanta, GA. As Tyler is preparing, uncontrollable thoughts start to eat away at his brain. He starts to hear things again. As he slowly starts to lose it, he realizes there's only one person that can pull him away from the edge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Catch My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first post on here; it's not great. It's just a short one-shot I wrote the other night. Let my know what you think, yeah?

It was happening again. I could feel it as I walked down the narrow hallway beneath the stadium. My heart, usually so calm, thundered in my chest. I could hear him behind the doors I passed. He was in the walls. He was in my head.

I veered to the left down another hallway and stepped into my dressing room. I shut the door behind me and sat down on the couch, resting my head in my hands. “Please.” I whispered to myself. “Not now.” He was laughing at me. I felt like the vibrations were shaking my skull.

_Oh, Tyler, you can’t do this._ His voice forced me to pull my head out of my hands. God, it sounded so real. _You’re not meant for this. You don’t deserve this._

“You aren’t real.” I said quietly. God forbid anyone outside of this room hear me speaking to myself. “Leave me alone.” I eyed my bag in the corner. My pills were hidden deep inside. I’d already taken my dose for the day. I couldn’t take a second one. _Why don’t you take the whole bottle?_ He was whispering now. His words cut like knives through my brain. Why didn’t I do it?

There was a knock on the door.

“Hey, Ty?” It was Josh. _Here he comes to save the day._ I silently shushed the voice in my head and rushed to the door. Before pulling it open, I straightened my clothing and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Josh stood on the other side of the door with one hand braced on the wall.

“We’ve only got an hour, man.” He said, eyeing me up and down. “What are you doing?”

_You were waiting for Josh to come save the day, weren't you? You rely on him so much. He's everything to you. What would you do-_

“Just trying to calm down.” I said. I turned around and stepped back into the room, bracing my hands on my head. I could feel Josh burning holes into my back.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked, stepping into the room behind me. He shut the door. He knew. Oh god, he knew.

“Nothing, just a little keyed up.” My voice was shaking. He was laughing in my head again. The sound made me want to scream. “I’m just nervous.”

“Ty,” Josh put his hand on my shoulder, “we both know you don’t get nervous. You get excited.” He wanted me to turn to face him, but I couldn’t. Not with this voice in my head. I couldn’t look into his eyes. He’d know in a second.

“I drank a Red Bull.” The lie came quickly and I immediately felt guilty. Josh knew me. He’d understand. But I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want him to see my weakness.

“Ty,” He forced me to turn around, “talk to me.” He leaned down to catch my gaze, which was focused securely on the ground.

“Josh,” I whispered, “It’s happening again.” Tears welled up in my eyes. I could practically see the disappointment radiating off of him. I was doing so much better, and now here I was. Josh pulled away from me and turned around. He paced a couple of steps with his hands behind his head before letting out a sigh. I felt small beside him.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” He met my gaze. “I’m here for you. I’m always here for you.”

_Because you don’t trust yourself with him._ The voice whispered. _You’ll scare him away._ “I’m terrified, Josh.” I said almost inaudibly. Josh’s eyes softened and he took a step towards me. I took a step back.

“I know you are.” Josh said gently. “Tyler, I know.”

_He doesn’t understand. He never will. You’re all alone._ More laughing. I couldn’t take it.

“Please, Josh,” I raised my voice, “I can’t do this. Not tonight.”

“Calm down, Ty, it’s going to be okay.”

“No!” I didn’t mean to shout. He made me do it. I laughed. I was laughing and Josh was staring at me like I was… like I am insane.

“Calm down,” He repeated, “Please, Ty. Focus on me.”

The voice was yelling at me. Terrible things. I couldn't differentiate between Josh's voice and the voice in my head.

“I can’t do this.” I whispered. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes and shook my head.

“Tyler!” Josh yelled and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Please, Ty, look at me.” I obeyed and stared right into his eyes, captivated. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m so not okay.” I breathed. “Josh,” I leaned my head against his chest, “I can’t do this.”

“They’re all here for you.” Josh wrapped his arms around me. My body bloomed surrounded by his warmth. “You have to.”

“It’s not them I’m afraid of.” My voice was muffled against his shirt. “He’s going to do something to me while I’m out there-” My voice cracked.

“No, he’s not.” Josh gave me a little squeeze and then held me at arm’s length. “You can do this.”

“I’m here.”

Those words took my breath away. He was here with me.

 

_He hates you._

He was protecting me.

_He’s tired of this._

He was taking care of me.

_He wants nothing to do with you._

He was helping me.

_He’s sorry he ever met you._

He was here for me.

 

“Josh,” I managed, “Can you just get me a bottle of water?”

“Of course, Ty.” He nodded. “Anything. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay.” He disappeared out of the door. I needed to get out of here. I looked both ways down the hallway before ducking out of the room. I all but sprinted to the door at the end and made my way down a stairwell before erupting out into the cold night air. I could hear Chefspecial’s sound emanating from inside the venue. I didn’t have long. What was I supposed to do?

I started to run. I was hyperventilating and out of breath before I’d hit the end of the block. I braced myself against a brick wall and ran my fingers through my hair. What was I doing? _Run._ He whispered. _Run from me. You’ll never get away._ I took off again, this time down an alley. I didn’t know this city very well, and everything looked the same. I was terrified. Where was I going to go?

“Tyler!” Someone was yelling my name. I kept running. He was after me. “Tyler, stop!” I couldn’t stop. He’d get me. “Tyler!” He was getting closer. I could feel a pain in my head starting to bloom.

And then strong arms were around me, stopping me and pulling me close.

“Tyler,” Josh was out of breath, “Where the hell are you going?” He still had my water in his hand. I was crying. I could feel his heart hammering against my back.

“I have to run!” I fought against him. “Please, Josh,” I begged, “I have to go.”

“No!” Josh tightened his grip. The water bottle dropped to the ground. “You have to stay with me. You have to come back to me.”

“I can’t, Josh, I can’t-”

“You can.” He said firmly. He lowered his voice, “Please.” And just like that, I felt myself falling apart. My best friend held me as I sobbed. “It’s okay.” Josh said quietly. “It’s okay now.” I waited for the voice in my head to fight against him, to force him away from me, but it never came. I felt my body relax.

“Here,” Josh picked up the water bottle, popped the cap, and held it up to me, “take a drink.” I did as he said. “See? You’re okay.”

“I’m okay.” I repeated.

“Okay.” Josh laughed. That sound replaced the hideous cackling I’d been forced to endure only minutes before. His laugh cut right through my skin and bones and saturated my core. He was right here with me, just as he always had been... and always would be. 


End file.
